Winter Nights – Couple Up, Nanna Up or Perish…

The winter nights: full of soups and homey meals, lamp lit rooms, red wine, smooth jazz and getting snuggled up with your beau… Ahhhh.

The couples have it good. The dual heat under the covers help keep the other from dropping dead half way through the night. Sleeping is effortless due to the constant warmth from the other and in-turn, getting out of bed is no task as the couples can act as a team, motivating the other to get-the-hell-up and go to work. Day to day routine carries on as normal and both members of the couple seem to be on top of their work load and in higher spirits than some of their colleagues. All in all – the winter months are good.

Poor singletons are faced with bone chilling evenings flying solo through the night – each evening colder than the last, questioning their very own existence with every spine chiller of the untraceable draft. Their must-have’s consist of flannel twin sets, thick socks, electric blankets and a coco for one – the Nana style inspiration has never been more popular, the only difference (perhaps) is a smutty novel to take the edge off the harsh air of reality. Desperate times call for desperate measures, Snuggie blankets all round? Due to sleeping alone, the singleton’s bed in the mornings is bitterly cold. There is no other to motivate the singleton to get out of bed, therefore leading to lateness in the workplace and an increase in sick days. Due to poor nights sleep, no thanks to the now formed cricked neck – the singleton is falling behind at work. Heating bills are higher due to the depressive nature of living alone and a questionable alcohol problem has arisen.

Twin Sets from Peter Alexander

He-Who-Observes has solved the problem. Singletons must form sleeping partners. A solely mutual friendship and sound understanding of ‘no sex – just sleep’ will allow body temperature satisfaction and sleeping optimisation. Its either this or regression into old-age during your twenties. David Attenborough / Robert Winston would undoubtedly observe and document such behaviour – leading to countless ‘Sleep Ads’ on Gumtree and a united single race as we know it. Try and feel the perks.

Death by cold lonely nights? No thanks. We will not be beaten - nor will we sacrifise our in-home style needs...

You know you've hit rock bottom single life when you're walking around the house in one of these...