PDA – Where “A” is Anger… and amusement.

He-Who-Observes just loves a good public display of anger. I’m not talking your 3am street brawl between those members of society with rocks for brains, no. I’m talking those in arguments with their other half, the pensioner waving her stick in the air and tutting, and the man with the gut and moustache shaking his head after walking past a group of squealing gay men in ripped denim jeans.

It’s hilarious. Fact. And it’s a big ray of sunshine in a thank-god-I’m-not-involved kind of way.

My personal favourite are those in the couples category. Such displays of emotion can be found in locations such as: home-furnishings/electrical/gardening stores, and in café’s on weekends. Arguments are expectedly fuelled with a hangover – the spoon stirring the short fused mixture. Perfection.

“Baby waby, which cup and saucer set do you prefer for Pete and Kate’s wedding? The one with the gold trim and pink flowers, or the one with the silver trim and purple flowers?” Whiney tone. Painful to the eardrums.

“Do we have to get them these cup and saucers?” Uninterested tone, slumped expression from male.

He-Who-Observes detects an argument and carries on inspecting the overpriced casserole dish, ears prick up, eyes hover above the display fixture – you all know the drill.

“You don’t even care do you?!”

He doesn’t care at all. Give the guy a break, it's the weekend. He’d happily smash that plate on the floor in front of you.

“Yes I care”

Liar

“No you don’t, you don’t care about any of my friends do you?!”

“Yes”

Liar

“Well, you didn’t seem that interested in Caitlin’s break up story last night”

Male lowers his voice and speaks through his gritted teeth

“For god’s sake” He says

“Here we go again, you always do this…”

And off it goes. All the while We-Who-Observe lurk and meander around the aisles, smirking into our frying pans.

Praise single life. Pity the other half. We will not become this couple. The weekend is too short to go floral plate shopping. Order online love. It’s only you who cares.

Floral plates available at cathkidston.co.uk - Always one step ahead of a brawl.