“I love you”
“No I love you”
“Noo I love youuu”
Pass me the sick bucket and push the eject button. Now!
Whether it’s couples kissing (or attempting to choke each other using only their tongue) on the escalator, groping each other at the pedestrian crossing (presumably conducting some kind of genital examination) or lying in an un-orthodox position in the park: its plain rank.
For one minute, He-Who-Observes would love Not-To-Observe this display of overindulgent affection whilst on route with a dinner for one. He-Who-Observes requests all couples to think back from a time when they were in a similar state of ‘grey’ single life and become a bit considerate of others, if this is even possible.
The worst, and I mean, THE WORST is picking each other’s skin: I’m talking blemishes. If I had a $/£/¥ for every time I’ve experienced this, I’d have enough to buy my own private island. At what point does it become OK? And when does it become OK to do this in public or in front of your friends? During one observed blemish correction procedure I text a friend asking for guidance, the reply simply read “Throw a boot at them”. Sound advice if you ask me.
Another friend came to visit He-Who-Observes from a country far away, enough for a nine-hour flight. After our hug at the airport – no irony here please: – it wasn’t a hip grinding embrace, I asked her how her flight had been. “Awful” She replied. “I sat next to a couple who, from the moment they sat down, gazed into each others eyes and snogged for the entire flight juration”. She rolled her eyes and gagged.
Mushy talk at the checkout queue, sloppy kisses in cinemas, snuggles on bar sofas that may as well be in bed – Give it a bloody rest! When did the human race become so inconsiderate and selfish? Don’t answer this.
I’m over it, and I’m guessing many others are too. I just don’t think I have enough boots to throw… sadly.
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