He-Who-Observes has forever noted the comments for the sartorially struggled that those items in wardrobes and on the shelves and racks in our beloved stores that offer a classic style or a high fashion twist to ones ensemble simply can’t offer the wearer the comfort they so desire. [Insert Yawn]
“Comfort first, comfort first!” You know exactly who you are, and to be perfectly honest, unless you suffer from a bad case of gout, there’s no excuse. He-Who-Observes is sick of observing those nasty trainers on the street, those worn out Ugg’s (you know the ones that flop unflatteringly to one side – making the wearer look physically impaired), and please…do not get me started on Crocs.
Does this social group genuinely believe that these are the only shoes / boots for them? Really? No seriously, do you? I think its time the shoehorn came out and knocked some sense into a few heads, don’t you?
Cobbler, dim the lights darling…
Exhibit A
The trainers with the office suit. Are you running to work? Do you have to cross the moors, and tough terrain for your office job? Move over Moses.
Funnily enough I cannot find a picture of this with a suit, as unsurprisingly, no one wants to photograph this look - pretty black and white, don't you think?
Really ladies, the shoe makes your calves look like hocks of ham, and the white in your trouser brings out that 80s pinstripe in your suit. Either walk to work in your full gym gear and switch to something more professional in the office, or: research your shoes.
Swap the Sketchers for something more classic. A pair of brogues or loafers.
The Ugg. I will only forgive Chelsea Sloane’s and New Mothers on this. For both are totally helpless. However, the rest of you…
The Ugg cuts your calf at its fattest point – in turn making your legs look larger. As you wear them every day, dragging those poor suffocated feet around, those little suede boots get mucky very quickly, and don’t even get me started on the stench that those lamby’s kick out. As you wear them down, you begin to walk a little funny don’t you? Yet, you don’t even seem to care. It’s bizarre. Um, yes they are easy to shop in because you take them on and off quickly, but to be honest, that’s no excuse as you tumble into free standing units in shops due to your totally f*cked sole. In the grande scheme of things, you look like you’re wearing slippers in public, and no: You don't look like some Norwegian blonde babe.
Swap the Uggs for something with practicality, yet warmth. Think outside the box. A pair of riding boots or something with shearling lining perhaps? If you’re legs are bigger, fear not: look at biker boots or lace ups and drag yourself into now, love.
Exhibit C
Men. Man oh man. You think you’re slipping through the net? No way…José. As your Missus is strutting herself in her new riding boots, do you think your worn out trainers – actually made for the track, are going to cut it? I don’t think so. Too many times He-Who-Observes has noted holes in pumps, frayed laces and shoes that make me want to order you a Fosters.
Sharpen up, or she will. In summer, wear your boat shoes and leather sandals, you don’t need a yacht to look good, and a nautical style is timeless. If your mates take the piss, stand strong and be your own. Be a man.
